Back in March of 1991, I learned a big lesson one day. I had been incredibly “bound” up until that time, by various demonic spirits that were really running havoc with both my emotions as well as my physical body. They had been doing this for quite some time, and the venue, really, for my becoming “bound” was a number of poor relationships surrounding my upbringing and all the bitter emotions that went along with that. Simply put, I had allowed sin to live in me, and because of this sin, various demonic powers had literally “made their home” deep inside of me — deep within my heart. I am reasonably sure that this trend really started at a very young age — probably while I was yet in the womb. (Remember John the Baptist? The Bible says that he was filled with the Holy Spirit while yet in his mother’s womb. Consequently, I think it is also clear that a person can be “filled” with another spirit while “yet in their mother’s womb.”).
One day — the day was the 7th of March 1991 — a deep revelation came upon me. Now I would like you to pay attention here, because the revelation was glorious. Here I was, this “wonderful, exemplary” Christian of about 6 years (I strived very much, and still do to a certain extent, please pray for me), and yet I knew nothing about what was binding me deep on the inside. I was in deep trouble.
As I prepared to go to the spiritual warfare conference the next day, something dramatic happened. I was on the phone with a wonderful man by the name of Tim Pollock — it was God’s timing to be sure. I didn’t even know Tim, but Tim was a Christian, and Tim knew a man who had a car that he thought we could borrow in order to go up to the conference many miles away in Guelph. Both Tim and I lived in Montreal, Canada at the time — about a 6 or 7-hour drive away from Guelph.
On the phone that day, Tim shared with me the good news that his friend indeed had a car. Then he shared with me the bad news that his friend’s mother really wanted to borrow it at the same time as Tim and I were planning to go up to the conference. “Let’s pray about the car,” I said to Tim. As we began to pray on the phone together, within about 30 seconds, suddenly, out of absolutely nowhere, this incredible deep, LOVE began to well up deep, deep inside of me. Somehow this deep, deep love — where did it come from? — began to absolutely well up inside of me, so much so that I simply couldn’t contain it! There was another person living in me, and His name was the Holy Spirit! Jesus was right. The one who believes in Him, from his innermost being will flow rivers of living water (John 7:37-38).
I had been hungering and thirsting for this moment really, all my life, but especially for about the last six years, since I had become a Christian (in 1985). My attention completely turned towards this “compassion” that had suddenly, very unexpectedly, welled up inside of me, and soon, before I knew it, this “thing” (this incredible compassion, love, mercy, etc.) began to overflow with such a tremendous amount of incredible, sheer Holy Spirit POWER, that I was overflowing in it, and weeping and weeping and weeping. Tears were flowing from my eyes, and I was now sobbing and sobbing, very much like a baby, yet a very grieved one, who was mourning the loss of his father, whom he really never got to know, but always wanted to. For the first time in my life, I was somehow able to “let go” of a great amount of pain that had been stored up inside of me through broken relationships, and relationships, really, that would never be. The true love of God was overflowing from deep within me. God’s compassion was real, and now I knew it, deep within my heart.
Then, in a moment, and really for the first time, I felt certain that I knew what that verse meant, “Perfect love casts out fear.” (1 John 4:18). I knew then that the love of God was really, deeply, coming upon me, and “casting out” (“all by itself”) the strange things (powers, evil forces) that had been allowed to enter into my life all those years as I was growing up, in bitterness and hardness of heart and longing of soul, for a relationship that would never be. God was the sovereign miracle worker, in this instance, who was replacing what I had lost in my own upbringing with His own sovereign grace and mercy. What no course or teaching on earth could do, God did in the span of about two or two-and-a-half hours, as He began to literally “set my heart free.” It wasn’t the end for me, that day; it was only just the beginning, but what a beginning!