The Unbelieving Part of Me

I’m a believer – a real true and blue believer in the Lord Jesus Christ. I’ve loved Jesus Christ for years now. And it has been just great — just great! But deep down inside of me — and this is the little secret that I want to share with you — there’s an unbelieving part of me. It’s an unbelieving part that God is “working” on, slowly but surely, to turn into a “believing” part. Now please let me explain.

I was in a play recently called “Heaven’s Gates and Hell’s Flames” and I acted the part I was supposed to play. After hugging “Jesus” and passing through “Heaven’s Gate”, I then went to the back room where the cast members who had already acted their part were. Having come in from the bright lights, and the room being dimly lit, I couldn’t exactly tell who it was that came up to me in those few moments, but several people came up to me and said something like, “Great job!”, or “Well done.” You know, that’s what you do when you want to encourage someone and let them know that they either did well, or that you thought highly of them – even if they didn’t do so well!

Well, what happened in those few moments in which I was given that pat on the back? Well, I distinctly remember my inner heart reaction, “Maybe the one who said to me, ‘Well done’, was one of the pastors!” My heart thought to myself, “Could it be that he actually thinks well of me?” At the thought that he actually DID think well of me, my heart was touched — because, you see, I struggled with my relationship with my father, even up to his death. Our relationship was simply never what it could have been. It has left a deep and lasting impression in my life. I longed for something I never got. There were no pats. There were no bedtime prayers. If there were any “Well dones” (and I’m sure there were), they seem to have fizzed out in the midst of all of the adversity I experienced in the home, mostly related to my dad’s anger.

Which, of course, is why God has come so close to me as a Christian. For of a truth, I have experienced very intimate moments with God, and I wonder really, if, in part, it isn’t directly tied in with my need for that intimate touch that I never received when I was growing up. I often cry to this very day, weeping, as I see the beauty of my own children, and bask in the goodness and the mercy that God has shown to me. These are healing moments, to be sure. These days, just looking at my children, or thinking about them, brings tears to my eyes. It is as if God is saying to me, “I think about you that way, too! You are loved.” Wow. What an incredible God we serve. Slowly, but surely, God is taking that unbelieving part of me, and replacing it with his love! He’ll do the same for you, too! Trust him!

“… touch not the unclean [thing]; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.” (2 Corinthians 6:17b-18)