About two years ago, I went through an experience in which I suddenly found myself in “enemy territory” as the enemy of our souls, Satan, appeared to have an unusual hold on my spirit. I mean … directly into my spirit he was able to have access … my heart felt like it was being “gut-wrenched.” What was going on, anyway? Could Satan really do this? I was a Christian. What was going on?!
This “thing”, whatever it was, was bigger than I. I tried to pray, and to read the word, but it was a painful burden in light of the attack. I really needed help. Really feeling the pressure, I decided to go to the car where I could do a little “crying out” to God without, shall we say, waking up “too many people” (I was really struggling). I made sure the windows were rolled up, and then, I yelled, at the top of my voice, something like, “Oh, God, help me! I’m under attack!”
You know, crying out to God can help. In the Bible, we read that Jesus did the same thing, when faced with many pressures. One of my favorite passages, in fact, is Hebrews 5:7, which reads, “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.” (NIV) Why is this one of my favorite verses? Well, I can relate to it a lot!
Around 7 or 8 p.m. that evening, a good Christian friend called me on the phone. At that time I confessed to him that I had been struggling. He said he would pray for me. The Lord also clearly spoke to me saying, “Make sure he calls you back”. So we agreed, and he said he would call me back around 9 p.m. I didn’t know why the Lord said to have him call me back. Unbeknownst to me (or to him), however, God was going to do a healing work in both me and my son during the interim period. So when he called back around 9:00 p.m., I’d have a testimony to share which would glorify the Lord!
After hanging up the phone, I then went upstairs to say goodnight to my children. First, I went to my daughter’s room and said goodnight. Then, while in my son’s room, the Lord clearly began to move in my spirit. He was telling me that I needed to humble myself before my son, and to ask him for his forgiveness. So I did. I said to my son, “I’m sorry for the way I have treated you in the past. Will you forgive me?” You see, there was one occasion in particular in which I got very angry at my son without proper reason. It left a deep impression upon my son, and he could not forget about it. It was a “stain” that marked our relationship. And though it was now years later, the “stain” still remained. The Lord knew it. My son knew it. And now I was about to find out afresh how true it was. When I said to my son, “I’m sorry for the way I have treated you in the past. Will you forgive me?” my son mentioned that one incident.
It was then that the presence of God became very strong indeed. I could not contain my tears and began to cry. I felt the love and compassion of God sweep over me, cleaning me with his Holy Spirit cleansing “broom”, but at the same time it was a healing for my son, who needed to hear me repent of my wrong doing. The audible repentance was important to God and to my son. Even though I might have been led to think that “all was all right”, all was not all right, until I confessed my sin out loud to my son, and gave him the chance to forgive me.
You might be wondering, “Why was I the one doing all the crying?” You’d have thought it was my son who needed the healing. He did need the healing. But I needed it, too. You see, the big “IN” that allowed Satan access to my spirit that day was a wound from my own past, in my relationship with my own father, in which I had been terribly wounded as a child. And now God met me, while upstairs in my son’s room that evening. God came very close to me, and at the same time as he put his finger on that wound and healed it up, he also led me to humble myself before my own son, whom I had wounded as a result of my own wounds, and as a result of my own sin. It was a time of confession and cleansing and reconciliation. I was winning my son back to my side! It was really God’s victory, no one else’s. What Satan had sowed years earlier, God was now unwinding. He was unwinding it in my son. He was unwinding it in myself as well. It was a powerful “unwinding” time.
Now, getting back to the events that had occurred earlier that day, when Satan appeared to have real “access” to my spirit, it was because of the deep wound that I had experienced myself that he had had that access. Plain and simple, wounds give Satan access. What was the solution to the problem? The solution was to seek prayer, which I did, and then to follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. I had tried to pray on my own, and felt that that did not work. I had then sent out a prayer request to the FCET prayer request list, and had received some encouraging replies. It was shortly after that that my friend had called on the phone, and I was able to ask him for prayer, as well. In the end, God moved powerfully, blessing both me and my son, and when my Christian friend called back later that evening, I had a testimony to share of God’s goodness, mercy, and grace! And it is that testimony that I pass on to you, today.
May God so bless you today as you, too, seek reconciliation and forgiveness in your own life.